Consult...

So today I was nervous... i couldnt sleep very well last night thinking about what i'd say. I get to the circle of life center in the waiting room and my palms are sweating like crazy and its silly i know! I was just there for a consult. I have decided that it is crucial i find a good doctor. I thought i'd have to take interviews because there was some things i wanted to get across to the doctor that was for me. My mom went with me which made it alot better to have her by my side, i tell her everything so it was so nice to have her by my side when adam couldnt be there. My mom found this midwife named Machel Knowles and i wasnt sure i'd like her so i lined up other doctors i'd interview after meeting her if i thought for a second she wasnt the doctor for me. On the way there i was telling my mom my main question... She didnt believe me that i would be so straight forward at first but i had to be.. i let her know how i feel and how important it is for me to have a good doctor. I need a doctor who will take my concerns and worries seriously. Thats my biggest thing. My baby's life was ended because "some doctor" didnt do his job and it pains me to say that but i am very bitter still. I never went back to that doctor for my follow up because its just too painful and i'd probably be a wreck and i dont want to cause confrontation. Machel was the sweetest lady ever!! She was so sweet so sincere.. she asked questions and lots of them about all the details of both my pregnancies. It made me feel so assured that when i do get pregnant next she will do what it takes for me to have a heathly baby and let heavenly father do the rest! I know judson is my angel baby and i dont know what other outcomes could have come or didnt come but I do know that heavenly father has a plan and he didnt need to be here because he was too special. I cant believe different because i know in my heart. I am so glad i met this lady and I hope and pray my next time around will be better. We have a few things she is going to do and try with me step by step to prevent all we can =) i love you judson!