Nursery

Yesterday was brielle's first day at nursery at church! Suprisingly she did so good! I was kinda shocked because with me being home all the time, her not having another sibling (besides revie to play with, they act like they are sisters lol) to share with and having a complete stranger watch her, She did wonderful. I was a little shocked because i thought she would be a tantrum thowing mess who wouldnt let me leave. She was overcome by all the toys in the room that all seems so new and fun to play with and there was also like ten other little kids or more there. It was the cutest thing! She is getting so big! When she got there she immediately found a baby (doll) and wrapped it up in a play blankie and held it as she went to the kitchen center (which she loves so much and so i think that we are going to get her one for christmas) and played with it. I walked out no problem and watched her a few minutes from the window. As adam and I went to class it almost felt like we were getting a date lol. SAD huh! We were like wow, that was easy! We went back to check on her an hour later and she was still holding that same little baby In the same way, observing the situation with the kids. Her eyes started to get red and she was getting a little emotional so we decided to skip the last class and take her home for her nap that was a hour past due. I am so glad she liked it, At the same time its a little sad cause MY BABY is in nursery!!

Consult...

So today I was nervous... i couldnt sleep very well last night thinking about what i'd say. I get to the circle of life center in the waiting room and my palms are sweating like crazy and its silly i know! I was just there for a consult. I have decided that it is crucial i find a good doctor. I thought i'd have to take interviews because there was some things i wanted to get across to the doctor that was for me. My mom went with me which made it alot better to have her by my side, i tell her everything so it was so nice to have her by my side when adam couldnt be there. My mom found this midwife named Machel Knowles and i wasnt sure i'd like her so i lined up other doctors i'd interview after meeting her if i thought for a second she wasnt the doctor for me. On the way there i was telling my mom my main question... She didnt believe me that i would be so straight forward at first but i had to be.. i let her know how i feel and how important it is for me to have a good doctor. I need a doctor who will take my concerns and worries seriously. Thats my biggest thing. My baby's life was ended because "some doctor" didnt do his job and it pains me to say that but i am very bitter still. I never went back to that doctor for my follow up because its just too painful and i'd probably be a wreck and i dont want to cause confrontation. Machel was the sweetest lady ever!! She was so sweet so sincere.. she asked questions and lots of them about all the details of both my pregnancies. It made me feel so assured that when i do get pregnant next she will do what it takes for me to have a heathly baby and let heavenly father do the rest! I know judson is my angel baby and i dont know what other outcomes could have come or didnt come but I do know that heavenly father has a plan and he didnt need to be here because he was too special. I cant believe different because i know in my heart. I am so glad i met this lady and I hope and pray my next time around will be better. We have a few things she is going to do and try with me step by step to prevent all we can =) i love you judson!

Holidays!

So we are SUPER excited for christmas this year, not only christmas but the whole holiday season! Its my favorite time of year and I love the giving and caring seeing family and being together indoors while its freezing outside. Looking at christmas lights at temple square and drinking hot coco. All of it. I could go on and on and on. But the MOST exciting part of all of it is BRIELLE! Our little girl is growing up and she is at thee perfect stage (so i think so far) for all the things I want to share with her! She is getting to be so fun and her personality just shines so bright, the things she learns and picks up so quickly just blows me away. We know christmas isnt all about gifts and the deeper meaning of christmas and how we want our children to grow up with the understanding of how great our gospel is and what the TRUE meaning of christmas is, But what parent doesnt get excited to buy their child a gift you know they will just LOVE! I tell you, i am thrilled to have the holidays around the corner! Bring it on thanksgiving!!

Everything happens for a reason...

I am a firm believer of everything happens for a reason, some of you may not be but I am and I feel that our heavenly father makes things happen for a reason so other things can happen. I dont know why us losing our baby happened and im grateful to be able to carry him and give him a sweet little body for his spirit and be able to be his mommy. We will always love our little boy. JUDSON JAY WHITBECK Mommy loves you!

Im trying to move on with life and something just seems missing. After the new-ness wore off and it was like "okay he is gone, what do we do from here"? AND im lost. I dont know what to do. I know I need to move on but where do I go?

Im trying to stay involved in other peoples pregnancies... I know it sounds wierd and people would think it would be hard for me, but its not... The mothers out there that share the same feelings with thier babies as i did with mine i am completely happy for and want to find joy with them... I dont want to be a bitter person where people dont want to share that happiness with me or think im not happy for them. Its not me. I am completely happy for all those mothers out there that love their babies and can't wait to hold them and kiss them. What bothers me is those mothers who complain about being pregnant or dont like being pregnant, arent excited, or have their babies and dont care for them or nurture them.

I know there are so many people out there with similar circumstances. It sadens me to know how many people do lose their babies.. There is a program out there called Utah share.. Its a program of all mothers that lose thier babies and they are soooo nice. It makes me so happy to know there are so many good wonderful people out there that want to help. A lady came and took pictures of us with our baby in the hospital and another came and did foot and hand molds for us. They call you and check up with you to make sure your okay. I just love them and all the wonderful people who are willing to help and be there for you. Its the kind of person I want to be.

I am so grateful for my little Brielle, She makes me SO happy and I can do anything being her mom.

Stage of Independance

Brielle has started the stage of "independance". Its a rough stage...but a good one! She wants to walk EVERYWHERE. On her own. By herself. Don't pick her up she'll cry. I try to pick her up when she falls down, comfort her.. if the fall is a bad one that'll leave a bruise or bump of course she lets me pick her up pat her on the back.. as she tells me a sad story hehe.. (which i love those) if its a small little fall she DOES NOT want you to pick her up.. she will get back on her own. If you happen to pick her up thinking it was a bad one or even if you want her to simply sit by you.. she will for a MINUTE then is down time.. =) When she walks she holds both hands in the air so a lot of people get the confusion of thinking she wants to be held but its.. not.. its simply how she holds her balance as she toddles around! She also tries to eat with a fork or spoon now... and says lot of words.. like puppy~ mommy~ daddy~ no~ nice (ni)~ MINE~ geese~ yummy~ Hi, Hello and Bye (buh)~

Our newest addition!

As most of you know, a couple weeks ago Adam and I found out we are pregnant again! We are super excited! We went in last week to find out how far along I am and was only 5 weeks so we went back yesterday to hear our little heartbeat. It was soo cute! So now I am 6 weeks along.

So pregnancy is great... except that i've been sooo extremely exhausted and tired and hormonal and nausated.. But this all will pass (hopefully) and It'll be worth it to have a new baby in our home.. Our due date is Dec 26th.. ChRIStmAS baBy!

The joys of a ONE year old...

So brielle has made it a year now! She has started to do something every parent thinks is sooo cute... but they dread it because its a constant clean up. Here are a few pictures to show you what I mean...
For already parents you'll look at these and either giggle or be glad its over with... For not yet parents I'll show you what you have to look forward to!

shelves....





drawers...






cupboards....



and one of my favorite things.. helping me with the dishes!

All this makes me giggle. I know some parents it would drive crazy but I just think its the cutest thing. She is growing so big.. so fast.. I dont want to let this precious stage pass me. Keeps me on my toes and giggling at the same time.. The joys of a ONE year old! =)

Thank you.

I feel a bit overwhelmed...
Seems like there is so many people who forget to appreciate... with friends, family, LIFE. This week im going to be starting to go to school full time. At least thats the plan anyway, I just want to get it over with so I can work from home and be with my daughter. Its going to be so hard to be away from her everyday 5 days a week, 8 hours a day.. But worth it in the end. One of those sacrafices I can look back and say I did it... And it was hard.. But I DID it!
I have friends and family that seem to have divorce on the mind. Its saddening. Breaks my heart to see that in a years time that this family was so happy ( so it looked like) that they loved each other.. Now its gone... I just wish there was more I could do. I have friends that somehow forget how to be a good friend. They take take take and I just keep giving. I can't seem to get a grip on it. I Dont know what more I can do to keep giving you to show you that I care. I think that today I have to thank everyone.. Because a simple THANKYOU can mend a lot of hurt feelings.. the feeling of being appreciated. Cared about. Loved. Accepted. Thanks to my mom for being my best friend. For being the one girl I can turn to and I know will never give up on our friendship and Loves me for me... Thanks to My Dad for being the hardworking dad he is.. for always sticking by his kids thru thier trials without judgement. He is the person you know you can go to and he wont judge you.. Because he has been there and Just wants to help you thru it. Thanks to My mother in law for standing by me so strong and helping so much with brielle. I couldnt go to school like I am to be greater for my family if you didnt come here everyday and help me. Thanks to my father in law Dirk.. for being a good example to all us kids.. Helping us out with situations we couldnt get thru on our own. Thanks to my siblings.. They are so fun to be around. They make life so full and bright to have someone to laugh with to play with to talk with.. And A special thanks to my husband.. for being the man of my dreams.. for being my rock when i want to fall and being that safe haven for me when I need you. For being the person I laugh with everynight before bedtime and share those sweet moments of our daughter with. Thank you brielle for being mine. I LOve you!
All of my friends and family reading this.. I hope you know I love you. And am thankful your in my life. You all have ment so much to me and are special to me.

Easter Weekend

This easter Weekend was soo fun with Brielle this year! Last year Brielle was 10 days old.. By the way the best easter present I could ask for.. But this year.. was soo fun. We did a easter egg hunt at a party. She was so cute! We would walk around the yard picking up little toys and eggs and stuff and she would walk over... with my help of course and pick it up and then wasnt sure what do to with it.. Practically had to pry it out of her tiny lil fingers to get it in the basket cause she wanted to play with them, put them in her mouth, bang them together, ect. This morning just made me think how fun holidays are with kids.. YOu plan and plan weeks on what your going to do for your lil ones on holidays.. to make it special... you spend money and buy them things your not sure they will like or things you know they will just LOVE. Go all out on stuff and then when you give it to your kids.. No matter what the age.. and they look up at you with the cutest smile heaven could have made.. It just makes the work, the money, the planning, the EVERYTHING so worthwhile. Brielle melted my heart this morning as we gave her a good morning kiss... said HAPPY EASTER! and headed to the living room to show her a little basket of what the easter bunny brought her. She looked at the package of peeps and just grinned from ear to ear. It just made me want to cry. She is my life! My pride and joy and I am so happy to be her mommy. So Blessed.

I love our little family, Adam and I have been married over 2 years and have a gorgeous baby girl named Brielle,she is our pride and joy!! She is 10 months old now and its blows me away how big she is getting. The time has flown by so fast. Adam is a wonderful daddy and the love I have for him just grows everyday I see him with brielle. Well We are excited to have a blog and im sure it'll take some time to get used to, but we hope you read it and like it!